There are a lot of things us as men are scared to death of b. Heights, jail rape, spiders, that "we need to talk" text, padded bras, having an ugly baby mother and a plethora of other crazy shit. But the number one thing that makes us shiver in our Nike socks my nigga......is letting her see our phone! That feeling you get in your heart when she ask "can I see ur phone babe" in her most innocent voice is fucking dreadful on so many levels yo. I honestly would rather kiss a fat girl in her mouth in public before I give my shit up b lemme explain.
There is so much perverted activities that occur within the contents of our phone. Facebook messages, Twitter DM's, text messages, ruzzle messages, instagram likes, and........"other" pictures. Ladies if you look hard enough you will always find some shit in your man phone. So to save heartbreak and having to stay on your mother couch for a few days I highly advise you to just chill out yo. But fellas we know that shit ain't happening so here's what you do.
Put the word Aunt in front of every chick name: niggas make the mistake of putting female names as guy names that's all wrong b. How the fuck you gone explain Brandon texting you at 11:00 at night saying "hey babe I miss you"? That shit ain't fooling nobody b. Maybe a white chick but a black chick? Naaaaah b she gone call "Brandon" and you're done after that b. But if "Aunt Ebony" text you that it sounds waaaay more convincing my nigga.
Cut your phone off before she come over: when she gets there you gotta play it off like "damn my phone just died fuck" before she even has the opportunity to ask my nigga.
DO NOT FALL ASLEEP: this is important yo. A females face lights up when she sees your phone unattended to b. They nipples get hard from the excitement my nigga so here's what you do. Hide yo shit in your drawers, or your sock. She ain't going through all the effort b but she will have an attitude when she wake up and will ask where it is. So just act like you don't know and even help her look for it to play it off b.
Delete all your games: chicks get slick as fuck sometimes b. They be like "can I play a game" knowing damn well they just waiting for a chick to text you. Every second she playing "games" are the longest seconds of your life. Niggas be like "can I play next babe" knowing damn well you ain't tryna play no game you stalling. They not slick. A chick will ask to play a game on your phone she already has on her phone like she gone get a better score or some shit b naaaaah.
Those are a few tips tho can't give all my secrets away. But fellas stay safe niggas is dying out here because of this shit b. Until next time.
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